Mamafai's Daily Dose

The Proud Mama

I'm a 35 year old woman brought into this world on February 23rd 1971 and married to the same man for 13 years, mother to 2 hilarious, extremely handsome boys and one beautiful baby boy, who was totally NOT planned, but who turned out to be the Joy of our lives, loves to drink ice tea and hot chocolate from Starbucks. There is more to me than just being a mother, I just don't remember any of it.

Her Little Princes

She Reads

Her Creations

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This site and contents, unless otherwise noted, is a copyright of mine! This website is a place for me to draw together all aspects of my life into an enjoyable and interesting journal. You will find issues that are truly going on in my life at the current moment. Sometimes I can be sharp. I am also very open with my feelings and opinions. If you are part of my life and I love you, you'll read about it in my journal. If you are an idiot, guess what? It's in here too. Feel free to respond if you choose. However, leave my website if you can't handle reality. I dont give a damn!

The Way I Am

Mamafai's Daily Dose...

Friday, December 31, 2004

..: De Colors :..

No, there are nothing wrong with your eyes! I know this is a little too bright but this is just what I need to liven up my blog for now :) .

I think I am having mood swings...

Mamafai wrote @ 4:03 AM |

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

..: Hanya Buat Renungan :..

I am really shocked and saddened by the Tsunami tragedy...

"Hidup ini adalah untuk suatu tempoh yang sementara sahaja, bak kapal yang berlabuh sementara di sebuah pulau dan akan kembali bertolak setelah tiba masanya..Ingatlah teman2 ku semua,kehidupan di dunia tiada yang lain melainkan kesenangan yang menipu, segala yang kita kecapi dan nikmati kini adalah pinjaman sementara di dunia dan itu semua adalah sebagai ujian untuk melihat sejauh mana ketaatan kita kepadaNya. Apabila tiba masanya segala pinjamanNya itu akan di tarik semula oleh Maha Pencipta"

Sama-samalah kita bertaubat kepadaNya..

Mamafai wrote @ 4:15 PM |

Monday, December 27, 2004

..: New skin :..

Its up on blogskins!

Mamafai wrote @ 4:11 AM |

Sunday, December 26, 2004

..: Smelly thingy :..

I was just being a little emotional tonight when I kissed the kids goodnite earlier..

I love the smell of baby's breath. Not the little white flowers that come in those cliche' bouquets of roses. The breath of an actual baby. Okay, I can own that this may be a little weird to some of you, however I would wager that any mom who has nestled her cheek up against that of her sleeping baby would understand what I'm talking about.

I really wish I could describe it for those who don't know. It smells light, and sweet, and warm. To me it embodies that fundamental closeness that exists between a mother and her infant. Intimacy. Oneness. The human infant has the most complex and intelligent mind of any other infant of any other species. It is also the most helpless. A baby is born from his mother's womb and clings to her. He knows her by the sounds of her voice, and by her smell. He needs her in every imaginable way.

A mother gives birth to her child and gives to him in every imaginable way. It is as if she is now holding her own heart in her arms. To see it hurting or wanting in any way would be to physically suffer. I can't count the times I sat with my babies, nursing them in the peaceful glow of the nightlight, so desperate for sleep, but grateful for that moment. They would fall asleep, and I would cradle them up close to my face. I would gently rub noses with them. I would linger with them, even after their tummies were full. I would forget for a moment how tired I was, and that I could now tuck my baby in and go back to bed. I would stare at the way they would rest their perfect little lips apart just so as they slumbered, and I would lean into them and breath them in. I would drink in their sweet, brand-new breath.

Even now my Little Men still has that baby breath, and I find myself rubbing noses with them when they yawns, or kissing their cheeks while they're laughing trying to catch that sweet smell. As they get older they lose it. It disappears. I will never forget that smell though, long after it has left my babies' lips. It is entangled in the memories I have of their infancy, and the intimacy we shared that is the basis of our relationships today. They may be walking and talking and growing taller, but when I hold them in my arms, it is still my heart I hold. :)

Click here for more pics.

Mamafai wrote @ 1:06 AM |

Thursday, December 23, 2004

..: Birthday Boy :..

Thanks to all for the birthday wishes....

Mamafai wrote @ 9:57 PM |

..: Guess who's five? :..

Five years ago today, was one of the most exciting (and longest) days of my life. Happy Birthday, Asyraf!

Dinner with Lyana last night. As usual..lots of things to talk about. Pictures here.

Mamafai wrote @ 1:56 AM |

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

..: Pondering & Wondering :..

Last night I started thinking about friends. Online friends in particular. I got my first taste of online friends back in early 90s on IRC. Seems like forever ago. I met people that I really got to be very close to. We all talked at least once a day and after well over a year, we all got together face to face. There really weren't any big surprises. We pretty much just put a real life face to the people we had come to know and love. I met really some awesome people. Where are they now? I have no idea. I guess real life got so busy for all of us that our computer time dwindled down. Things changed and we grew apart.

If you find a good group of people, they can come to know you and be closer to you than many people in your day to day life. There have been many times in my life over the past few years that I have been supported and loved by friends that I have never even met face to face. When Afzal was in the hospital, not a day went by that I didn't receive phone calls, smses or emails checking up on him and on me. It is real. It doesn't matter if we met in person or not. We "know" each other. Sometimes we don't talk for a long time, sometimes everyday. It doesn't matter. We are real friends.

So I stared to ponder and wonder... if you turn off your computer, are they out of your life? I mean, if you didn't want to face someone or you did not want to deal with an issue, do you just turn off your computer and then, over time, they disappear from your life? Is it that easy?

What about when you get hurt by one of these people? If something happens there, or you have an argument or misunderstanding, should you be able to just turn off your computer and walk away? Is that the equivalent of turning your back on a friend in your day to day life or is it just "arguing online style"? Is it that easy to just ignore someone you really care about? Or is it just an easier way to handle issues you don't want to confront? Is the hurt supposed to be less if it is "just an online friend" rather than someone you have to have contact with face to face on a daily basis? Is the hurt lessened because you don't have to confront them? Or do you handle it like you would any person in your life...upfront and with intent to resolve the issue? I mean, if you have a fight with your next door neighbor, they are still going to be there everyday. If you have a fight with someone far away, you can just say "too bad" and turn off your computer. Or can you?

I am not pondering these things because I am in this situation. Last night, I just really started to think about the people in my life that I have met online. Some of them I know I will be friends with until I am old and senile. Some of them I know were in my life for just a season. To teach me something and move me to a different place in my life. And then there are people who I come across for the briefest of times, and yet, my life is forever altered by them. Are any of them better for me or more "real"? I don't think so. They are just different.

I'm not sure I am really going anywhere with this. I guess I'm just in a contemplative mood. I've been really excited about the new friends I have made. Amazed at how much in common I have with some people who I may never meet face to face, but can totally relate to day to day. And then there are those people whom I have nothing whatsoever in common with but they challenge me and impress me and make me a better person by learning from them. Meeting new people and starting new things makes me just wonder about the people I used to be excited about. The people I used to talk to daily. Makes me wonder what happened.. if the relationship evolves into a different phase, do the real friendships behind them will never die? Even when they change?

Mamafai wrote @ 10:08 AM |

..: Gifts of Love :..

Managed to wrap these up after the kids were asleep. These are for Asyraf..

and this for someone special...

Hope they like their gifts!

Mamafai wrote @ 1:20 AM |

Monday, December 20, 2004

..: Order please!!! :..

Being the very type A personality, anally retentive person that I am, I really enjoy order in my life. (I don't have any, but I do enjoy it when it happens). Being a working mom, I realize that order doesn't really come with the job description. I honestly don't understand why, though.

I mean, seriously, why can't a 5 years old see the fun in playing with one toy quietly and orderly, and then putting it neatly away before moving on to another? Why can't he see the absolute luxury of a 3 hour nap, and take advantage of it.

Why can't a 2 years old see that climbing the furniture to get at every breakable object in the house isn't a productive use of his time? Can't he see that working quietly on a puzzle will really better prepare him for the cold, harsh world?

And while we're on the subject, why can a grown man misplace his wallet and keys almost EVERYDAY? Does this make sense to anyone else?

Come on people, let's get it together just a little - for Mama, okay?

Mamafai wrote @ 10:38 PM |

Sunday, December 19, 2004

..: And another one.. :..

I did another one.. Oh someone in blogskin doesn't really understand the picture. There are some things that inspired me when I create these skins and my interpretation of my work might not be the same as others. Well I don't think I need to explain.. :P

Mamafai wrote @ 2:30 AM |

Saturday, December 18, 2004

..: New Skin :..

New skin designed for mommies... its available now on blogskins.

Mamafai wrote @ 6:39 PM |

..: Production Work :..

I have been demoted to a production worker today ;)

Mamafai wrote @ 3:03 PM |

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

..: Blue morning :..

Asyraf was feeling a little blue this morning about me going into work, so I thought I'd cheer him up a bit. I was putting up my scarf and he was on the sofa...

Me: Abang, do you know what two of my favorite things are about you?
Asyraf : [slow smile] What?
Me: I love that you are sooooo smart, and that you are sooooo cuddly. You are very loving.
Asyraf : Heh. [big grin]
Me: Soooo... what are your favorite things about me?
Asyraf: Ummm... umm.... umm... [looks up at me appraisingly]
Me: Yes?
Asyraf: [big grin] You are pretty.
Me: Awwwww. Thank you, darling!
Asyraf: I like the pink[actually peach] baju, you are wearing.
Asyraf: And do you know what I hate?
Me: What is it?
Asyraf: My bontot very itchy! [started to scratch...]

hmmm...thats my boy!

Btw, we had dinner at Lyana's last night. The kids were so happy to meet up with each other and so were their moms ;). Foods were definitely delicious. Thanks again fren for having us!

Mamafai wrote @ 10:36 AM |

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

..: Bad Morning :..

So I was just sitting here sipping my pear juice and reading my mail, not looking up as people walked by my cubicle. Just not in the mood for friendly greetings. Suddenly the phone rang, looked at the display and saw my manager's name. "Fairani, can I see you at my desk?"
To find out there will be no off-in-lieu for the public holidays that falls on Saturday for the team.

I just wanted my first interaction today to be a good one!!!

Mamafai wrote @ 10:30 AM |

Sunday, December 12, 2004

..: The Incredibles :..

I know this is a little late but I had this done 2 weeks back. Just couldn't find the time to upload it in the blogskin. This is for Asyraf!

Mamafai wrote @ 8:58 PM |

..: Mama's matters :..

The "sickies" are making the rounds, and our home is apparently not exempted.

Little Afzal got it first, and it is definitely affecting me. His little whines and cries are just a sad, weakened version of what they were. His eyes were watery, giving him that "I'm just about to cry" look. When he sneezes he blows snot two feet in front of him, requiring me to have tissue constantly at the ready. All in all, he is very pathetic looking.

Now Asyraf has it. I've been sponging him since 2am and now I am not able to sleep. My room has become a laboratory of humidifiers with essential oils to clear their nose, vicks and tissues. I am next on the hit list I guess. I can feel the right side of my head is about to blow off. I'm pretty sure the kids aren't going to be too sympathetic. They would never go to Dh or anyone when they are sick. Even when their mama's down! Where is my "mama's" contract? I'd like to renegotiate my benefits!

Mamafai wrote @ 4:08 AM |

Thursday, December 09, 2004

..: Miss me? :..

Sorry I haven't been around much lately. Afzal been down and I'm all worn out here. I'll be back when I feel human again!

Mamafai wrote @ 11:36 PM |

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

..: 1st Singapore Idol :..

So the winner is Taufik!!! He is definitely good and he deserves to win!

Asyraf didn't seem to be very disappointed when Taufik was announced the winner. He said "Taufik is good ma...but Sylvester rocks!" Oh btw, he was busy voting for Sylvester throughout the show. Thank God he was using this handphone...

Congrats to Taufik!

Mamafai wrote @ 11:58 PM |

..: Disparate Opinion of the Singapore Idols :..

While most of us are so into Taufik, my dear son is a die-hard fan of Sylvester :P How he described Sylvester - "Sylvester rocks!" Taufik was never his favourite. Before Sylvester, Olinda had always been his favourite. He even memorized the first few lines of the song that Olinda had sung - "Sway".

As much as I want Taufik to win, deep in my heart I am also hoping that Sylvester will win. It would definitely make Asyraf jump to joy. I recalled what he had said to the kids when we went out for the Raya outing last Sunday.

Kid1 : Taufik is good ah...

Kid2 : Yes I like Taufik too...

Kid3 : I like Taufik too!

Asyraf : Are you kidding Me??

heheh...

Like what Herda said to me this morning "Thank god, he is not able to vote!"

On the other hand, I am kindda proud that my son has his own thots and opinions and is not just one of the followers. So to be fair to Asyraf, dh and myself have decided that we would not vote for either Taufik or Sylvester. :P

To both the IDOLS - Gd luck and All the best!

Mamafai wrote @ 2:07 PM |