I realize how ridiculous this sounds as I type it. I realize how selfish and probably immature, or something as equally sucky. But it's just that when I think about the type of love that dh and I share... I simply don't ever want to be replaced. even when I'm dead. I guess there is a part of me that feels that if he could just move on and love again, then he really didn't love me the way he claimed to in the first place. I feel like the type of love we share isn't something that someone else could just come in replace. I do not have shoes that any other woman in this world could fill. and if he did just move on, and truly love someone deeply again, I would in a way feel like our love was somehow fraudulent. I KNOW HOW RIDICULOUS THIS ALL SOUNDS.

The reason probably stems from the fact that I have always wanted to be different. I mean, what girl doesn't want to be that one girl for her guy? ladies, you know what I'm talking about here. . You're the one who makes him feel things he swore he'd never feel. You want to be the one who is different. the one who matters. the one he wouldn't ever be able to get over if he ever lost- in every sense of the word.

So I ever did talk to dh before if I die, I'd want him to be happy.. but loveless.. he just laughed. then he said something about he would not remarry again.. yah right!. I told him if he ever does, I would come back and he would not have a peaceful life... and he kept laughing!.. I do sound childish right? ehehe..

Am I really the only person who feels this way? does everyone in the world truly wish more love for their significant other if they weren't around?